BIO
Julie de Oliveira is a first generation born Brazilian-American living in Worcester, Massachusetts. She has taken Creative Writing and Poetry courses at Quinsigamond Community College. She hopes to pursue a degree in Latino Studies. Her short stories and poetry bring light to silenced voices of Brazilian immigrants and the fairly recent phenomena of the Brazilian diaspora in America and finding their identity within the U.S. Latino community.
Saudade
Sticky
American summers remind us of home.
It’s almost
as if we’re back in Angra dos Reis,
Cooing
babies and filling up on
Manjar inspired by Maria da Gloria, our late grandmother.
We sing
along to Chico Buraque classics at the
Top of
our lungs and I try to hold
Myself
back from dancing too.
Careful
to not lose myself or get carried away.
The infectious
rhythm reverberates in our lungs
Until we
exhaust what we live by
And we
talk about everything: from how
Things
could’ve been if we weren't here, to how
Things
must be while we aren’t there.
We do
this until the brisk cold night
Raises
bumps across our chests, reminding us that
We have
to work the graveyard shift soon,
Where we
agonize over our families we left behind.
We yearn
to find the word for saudade in
English,
because the definition
Of
nostalgia can't come close.
We don't
miss our home, but rather,
Brazil
is missing from us.
At home
we pray for heavier pockets,
And for our
government-
For the
slightest silver lining where we may
Be able
to find an opportunity to
Go back
and say the things we
Meant to
say when we had left home in the first place.
We didn’t
mean, “see you later.”
We wish
we had said goodbye once and for all.
We try
so hard to seek absolution at our jobs,
Staring
blankly into an immaculately white
Toilet
bowl, whisking bleach
Around
and around and around.